I reckon at the end of every year, we take stock of the good, bad and ugly.

And often, we berate ourselves for the mistakes done.

Everything happens for a reason. Believe it or not, it’s always for our highest good.

Instead of asking… why me? Ask… What are the blessings in this? What am I supposed to learn from this?

Last year, I challenged myself by immersing into what normal peeps do. I watched all streaming channels I can find. And I read news whenever. I also watch the popular social medias currently popularised amongst youth of today.

Boy, was I, in for a long brainwashing adventure.

To understand what my clients and my sons see in their daily lives, truly bamboozled me.

Normally, I won’t immersed myself in the above activities. I don’t even read news unless I have to. The leaders of success who mentored me have taught me that life itself has plentiful of colorful challenges…. So Why bring myself down further with all these non positive patterns of habits? Habits that we can control.

Why not make myself happier and see everything – glass half full instead of empty?

I was often positive and see the chirpy side of life. But after weeks, months, I cannot even think of any positive thing about the current life and the world around me. I see bleakness, hopelessness, helplessness.

Felt like I’m digging my own grave of sappyness.

I am often safe and comfy in my own skin but after these immersion, I felt anxiety crept in. Doubts plaqued my mind…questioning my every move.

How do people do this, everyday? Why do they do these to themselves?

As mentioned, what we believe in the inside will play out on the outside. And so I sense my cloudy world started to weep on the outside and attract others of same level of sappyness and consciousness.

Once, I was traveling in Malaysia, a grab driver was not in a good mood. So watching me intently putting on my seat belt, he sarcastically say to me – why bother wearing seat belt when you cannot even put on a mask?

I was shocked. If I was in a rebuttal mood, I might answer that road accidents can cause death immediately. But I immediately put on my mask. I wasn’t updated with Malaysia current covid status. So I won’t blame him for his mood. Perhaps he just need to be heard.

As I started to converse with him, hoping my journey won’t be full of sarcasm, I noticed that it was not him but me. The sappy one was me.

I was still hanging onto the depressive outcome of some scifi movies i watched recently. And so I tune within, cleansed my sappy beliefs, let go of the mind movies I remembered previously and calmed myself.

Eventually, the driver too quieten down. I sense the cloudy energy between us dissipates. And I reached the destination feeling better.

The TV, news, social medias… immersion… Felt like brainwashing, programming.. Like bleach, it was truly hazardous for me, especially a sensitive being, an empath.

It was truly a spiraling downward route for me. I had to rebuild myself. Read again books of positive outlook on life and law of attraction. To slowly remove the addiction of movies and TV series. It was tough. Now I begin to understand the youth of today especially my sons.

In between those bouts of sappyness, there was a moment I lose myself. I forgot what I am. I needed my surroundings to remind me my strengths.

There was also a time, I felt unsafe to be me. Riding through mid life crisis (a form of Universal intervention), I started reviewing my failures and success. Comparing my journey with others my age. And contemplating my retirement. What will I do with the rest of my life?

Counting the white hairs appearing on my head is not helping. So I asked, if I was unsafe to be me, what will I be? What can I show up, as?

And I dig deeper, is it truly unsafe to be me? Or the illusions of what I think the world judge me as? To keep thinking about others thinking of me as failures was truly suffocating. If I’m not careful, I can fall into the never ending abyss of depression.

As I resolute to keep my mind, body, heart and spirit… free from all these auto suggestions, brain washing/programming habits… I started to see my inner being cold heartless stoic demeanor (my auto safety armour when feeling unsafe) began to melt like the ice caps.

We became what we feed ourselves daily. Not just body food but mind food, heart food (emotional triggers), and also spiritual food. So be aware. Be responsible. If we blame others, our parents, our teachers, our government and more for what we have become…

… Do remember, when you point to them, the other 3 fingers point back at you.

We each are responsible for our own lives. Let’s be more aware, kind and loving to ourselves.

And instead of reacting, let’s plan to have happier positive life by attracting and manifesting using the law of attraction (ask, believe, receive or be, do, have).

And for everything that happens, instead of asking why me? Let’s ask ourselves – what can I learn from this? How can I improve and be better? What are the blessings in this?

For the unhealthy habits we have, by randomly watch any shows to relax or actually distract ourselves, let’s be mindful and choose shows that uplift. If not, a good book on positivity should help.

Also with the ease of online shopping and non stop ads to encourage spending… appearing everywhere… (online and offline)

On buying things we don’t actually need, why don’t we start clearing the clutter of yesteryears? (Although I lead a minimalistic life, I recently tried immersing myself in online shopping too. And it was a challenge to remove the clutter, end year.)

Have fun uncovering a new year of adventures and pieces of yourself.

May you be blessed with the best in life and hereafter. Amiin.