To know our truth is the first step towards healing…

I realised that I did not link nor explain – why we need to strive to know what we are and our truth with healing and being healthy- body heart mind and spirit.

As mentioned, I shared in the intro about me was that all my life, I was a fraud, a fake, being someone others expect of me and not asking what do I wanna be or discover what my truth really is…

Thus, I don’t know what my favorite colors, food, liking, peeps, hobbies and more. I adopt others’ favorites as my own. I thought by doing so, I will be accepted and belonged. I became a people pleaser to actually save myself.

I was bullied often as a child.

These perps inflict physical and emotional trauma upon me. Thus to protect myself, I learn and observe their behaviours and be “like” them. I learn to manipulate peeps. I also learn “street NLP” so that they won’t have the need to bully me.

Eventually, I felt all out of sorts with myself not just physically but mentally, spiritually and emotionally. I don’t know what are my beliefs. I don’t even know what my true joy was.

I was sensitive as a child. My senses were heightened naturally. Too sensitive that I numbed myself to be normal. Thus, I was clueless as to what went wrong in my life.

One day, I fell ill. Too many imbalances. Too much time spent on caring for others that I forsake myself. I did not give myself a chance to be seen, heard and matter. I cannot get up. For days, my world spin out of control.

I watched the world continued on without my participation. I noticed my eldest child was sad, not able to be with me and play with me.

I began to stop for a moment and ponder about the situation. For many years, I’ve always been the tough one. The one providing solutions. The one who always say yes. I never did ask what I wanted. I live, and exist for others.

It was a weird experience because no one in my family had such.

Later, I found out that the vertigo may be caused by me not taking good care of myself. I was also preggie with my second. And I had breastfed my eldest for full 2 years. I did not have proper meals at proper timings. I was always on a rush, doing errands. Nor did I have supplements. Im an empath and I need my own cave to do my own creative things but I did not even create a space in my busy schedule for that.

I didn’t heed the small hints and signs of self neglect. Thus this compounded and plunged me into dark depth of my own psyche.

That was the beginning of my self journey onto my authenticity and truth..

I was blessed that my mom was a healer in her own way, always working on herbs and natural food and supplements for me, my bro and my kids. And because of that, I was often high energised and I took my health for granted.

Only when she migrated, did I start to learn being healthy and healer, in my own way.

And when I start working on my truth, it was not easy. There were so many layers I needed to face. Masks, facades and whatever I can hide within, I plastered upon myself because deep down, I felt I wasn’t enough. The belief was that- if the world truly knew me, they won’t like me for what I truly am. Perhaps run away like most did.

The vertigo issues was not the first main imbalances that totally knocked me out and made me look within. I had other bouts of imbalances like high blood, overweight, looking aged, lethargic, difficult to breathe, stressed, anxiety and many more. And I was only 26-28.

Only when I resolute to know and discover more of me and my truths, did I changed for the better. A healthier and happier being that shines from within to without.

If we do not know ourselves, we took upon others’ perspectives, beliefs and events as our own. All these baggages was never ours in the first place but we lugged them around and victimise ourselves.

What we needed to do was… just let go, let their baggages go, and we peel our layers one by one and face them and our truths, solving in depth, our own issues and bagagges.

Sometimes, issues of breathing, suffocation and anxiety is because we live and lead other people’s lives. Our truth, our soul blueprint is drowning, struggling, wanting to surface but we hid them deep, because we do not bother to learn/unlearn about our truths.

Most issues started from roots that are the simplest.

You cannot breathe because you did not learn to be your true self. You became what others want you to be. And because of that, you suffocate. You drowned. You lied, you faked and became fraud to yourself and the world. You do whatever it takes, so others approve of you… Others praised you. And that create a sense of “fake” belonging (eventually, one fine day, you will realised that).

(To fake it in a community that you pretend in order to belong, takes a lot of energy to sustain the facade. One day, it will all collapse).

You actually forget what or who you truly are. You forget what it means to be happy and free. Free to be yourself. Because all your life, you have been a slave to others. What they think, matters to you.

But what about, what do you think? Did you approve of yourself? Did you give permission to be happy and wild and to make mistakes?

Living like tiptoeing on eggshells is not living. Especially in a world of tiktok, insta and youtube where likes are chased after like a commodity.

One has to know oneself to discern what truly matters in this life and the next.

Are you ready to do that, warrior of life? Be caged, slave or be free? Your choice, your life.

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