Silence can be a killer….

in relationships.

Parents and children should do their best to communicate with much openness and honesty with no judgement.

Many times, I found mothers, not just single mothers…. went on an endless spiral of self-pity. Playing the victim to gain attention.

They take to heart how their children behave towards them instead of sharing their truth. They felt the need to pretend to be strong and assume everyone understood their predicament. They swallowed the pain, whole and because they can telepathically or intuitively read their kids, they thought their kids can read them too.

Truth is, if we don’t share, they won’t understand. Especially teens growing into young adulthood, busy into their own world, unfolding their identity and more.

I recommend that parents especially fulltime mothers and single mothers, please share with your children your feelings.

If their behaviour hurt you, share with them with love. If they neglected, abandoned you or even treated you invisible, tell them.

Sometimes they got too busy to noticed. May or may not be their fault. In this millennial, they are often inundated with so much data, info and energies from all sides – schools, work, peers, social medias and more.

Remember, we were there, before. Those youthful busy times.

So give them a hand to understand us. Share.

When we share a part of us, we not only give them permission to share themselves with us but it also connects and the bonds became closer and more understanding =more love can permeates.

Sometimes when we hid our pain, we might flare up when it became unbearable. And sometimes our unconditional love for our children became resentment.

Or we might threaten them, without us being conscious of it (For Muslims mom, we sometimes use – “our feet is your gateway to heaven” speech, sometimes as a threat or manipulation tool).

This is not right. Nonpositive measures may backfire and may cause our kids to resent us.

Also when we pile up our resentments, sometimes the only way to gain their attention is by being a “victim”. And so either we pretend to be unwell to get their love and attention or our bodies will. And that became a pattern for us whenever we want their tlc. It’s not healthy.

Yes as mothers, we are often 24 x7 there. We invest so much for our kids, day and night without having any break. And so with much investments, sometimes our expectations exceed. And in pain, we may feel, we deserve all their tlc.

We deserve to be respected and treated with much love as we did for them. Again, mirror yourself and your kids. How long have you been a parent? How about your kids?

So, share your pain. Express them out to your children in ways they can understand.

I do share with my sons my truth. And they in return, feel safe to do the same.

They also learn that boys and men can learn to embrace their vulnerability and share with their trusted loved ones their current feelings, emotions, in fact everything.

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