Forgive me, the girls and women before and after me…

In deep introspection of what I’ve observed and globals events that impacted me recently, I’ve been busy working with healing the divine masculine within and collectively.

I’ve also deepen my daily routine especially on breathwork, self defence arts, qigong and yin yoga as well as my inner male archetype. To date, I’ve also dwell upon both my feminine and masculine union and work on my tantric arts.

As I took a long slow walk in nature to put eveything together as 1 (kinesthetic learner), something seems to bewildered me.

If everyone has a “womb” or some called womb chakra then do we all have hara as well? It’s where the endless well of energy reside, dantian.

Of late, I was with a group of male master warriors and martial art masters and I was able to witness how they harness endless energy from dantien.

I decided to go within and meditate. Yes, we each have both the hara and Womb. The sanctuaries for both our divine masculine and feminine.

For men, their “wombs” are interconnected with their mother. It’s where unresolved prenatal energy resides. It’s also where their feminine energy belonged.

For women, it’s easy, whether we are mothers or not, we can “feel” our wombs. As for hara, it’s where our divine masculine, our inner warrior lay dormant till we unleash them.

Both are below the belly button.

So as I meditate, I “feel” with my mind’s eye and heart where my hara is and then, I felt the need to see in what condition is it currently in.

Similar to womb healing, I often guide my clients to feel and visualise what their womb look like in the present moment and follow the inner guidance in healing her.

My hara was smaller than expected. He felt abandoned, neglected and cold, damp and not hygienically clean, and clammy.

Eee… I felt the need to take out my household cleansing tools, to sponge it, mop, vacuum and such.

I then decided to cleanse it by releasing any trapped emotions lingering in there for decades. And then, I actually cleanse it, by imagining purifying with water and letting some warmth of the sun to make it homely and comfy.

I also allow my palms to lay on my hara area so my Reiki energy can deeply heal the area and cleanse of any nonpositive energies.

Soon after, I was happy. It felt like an inner boy child was ecstatic. And right after that, I felt asleep. Deep, deep sleep. It was a very satisfying sleep.

Perhaps the horror of what I’ve witnessed growing up and recently in patriarchy wounded-ness, wasn’t meant to be observed only but to be healed not as an onlooker or victim, but as part of the perpetrator.

Because collectively, our masculine energies are all connected and affected. We each have a surmountable feminine and masculine energies dancing harmoniously within us.

If they are chaotic, then much healing is needed. And instead of pointing fingers at others and playing the blame game, it’s best we each, take accountability and heal ourselves first.

I looked at my aging fathers, uncles and remembered my grandparents, I can no longer hold any contempt, anger, rage or anything nonpositive (destructive) towards them.

What can I do? To be angry at them? To hold grudges? Who is the one suffering with all these burdens? Me.

I can only heal my versions of them, I’ve kept within. And to make space for more miracles of love instead of wounded-ness.

And if any man or woman, have patriarchy or even matriarchy wounds that seems unresolved, let me stand before you and first apologise.

As a mother, a woman, a girl, I too have my fair share of emasculating boys, men and many more.

My perspectives of men were some form of delusional fantasy I concocted because of so many dissapointments. From fathers to brothers to uncles and more. None was ever good enough. I felt they have let me down, a thousand times.

And so when reality fails, I created a fantasy mystical version of super-men….

Men who were supposed to be some Greek god complex where nothing can hurt them. And they forever protect the weak, especially girls and women.

With standards like superheroes, no wonder, I’m setting myself up for failures. As my sons grew, I’ve noticed that boys and men, they are not superheroes. They are emotionally chaotic and are vulnerable too.

And it’s not easy for them to express whatever they experienced in a world where they were programmed not to.

And so, on behalf of the collective feminine and mother energies (and synergies) in the Universe I am sorry. I am truly sorry for what you have gone through. Forgive me. Forgive the girls, the women before and after me. Forgive us all.

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