Do you know love when it’s in front of you?

Do you know love when you see it? It’s not just the fluttering of hearts when you fall in love or blush at your first crush. It’s not just the ecstacy of making love to your partner, it’s beyond all that. We have limited ourselves the understanding of love with such small experiences.

Growing up in a world of chaos of duality intermingling‚Ķ Peace and war in my everyday, I thought life is like that and I’m caged.

Love was felt but its fleeting and often found right after, a dosage of “war” happening in my home.

I thought love has to be gained through “war” of hardships.

It will never come easy. Thus that sets my first few beliefs in love. I set so many tests for future suitors and friends that many left.

But do I truly know love?

Love through eyes of a child back then, was a swarm of persuasive words and treats.

What does it mean to love, to be loved and actual love?

Truthfully, I don’t know. Until I have birth to my first born, I never understood what it means to love someone unconditionally.

Still, I was miles away from its majestic truth. To understand love is to be love. I can be love for my children. But can I be love to myself?

Even after my divorce, I’ve not yet fully understood what love truly is and especially loving myself. I based on loving myself through the eyes of others. How poorly I was treated.

I felt love was like a roller coaster ride. Ups and downs. Following the emotions of humans. Being loved can also be turned to hatred in a matter of time.

I once wandered far and wide in search of peace and true meaning of love and selflove. I envied love surrounding me wherever I travel, the lovers, the families of love, but love seemed to avoid me in its every path.

Perhaps repelled by my own thoughts of doubts, fears, dislike and self-loathing.

But how can I find love when I don’t know how it looks like?

Perhaps I was delusional. I have this illusions beyond fairytale what love supposed to be and in what forms.

And I lost sight of the actual love I received abundantly in my life. The reality of it all was that, I am love. I am always loved. I am loving. My family especially my kids are my love.

I wasn’t grateful enough to notice and be aware.

For those who seek love. Stop for a moment. Count your blessings and start be aware of the abundant love surrounding you and in your life now.

If none seemed to be present. Look at you. You can start being love now. Be love to yourself. Shower all the love, attention and care to self. When the world mistreat you, love yourself even more.

The moment, we be something, we intent. And when we are grateful for something, we attract more. We bask in more and we vibe more of it.

Stop seeking. Be.

The moment we paused ourselves from catching the butterfly, the butterfly ends up coming to you.

And as child, the “uproars” in my home traumatised me so much that I erased all the love I ever experienced in the same home.

Looking back, I believed I was loved. Love was always there.

The journey to self love was not an easy path for me. But I’m glad, I went for it. I now grasp a tiny understanding of what love is.

Love is everything. Love is the energy. The air that we breathe. The heart that beats. The very essence in our soul. The unspoken words between strangers in feats of kindness and love. The mission of everyday heroes in lifesaving situations. The reason for our existence. We are all made with love by the Creator. Thus humans’ legacy is love.

Love, love, love. Being love no matter what.

OK, back to self love. You and I, we will endure wear and tear of our bodies. And if we don’t love ourselves, who will? Can we expect someone else to shower us love when we ourselves cannot love our own imperfect selves? Can we even be good love receivers?

Anyway, whatever you and I experienced in life can be changed. We can always rewrite our pasts by changing our perspectives and rewriting it with much love.

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