What I feel like saying… 

If you have lost someone special then you understood that…

Even though they have left, their memories still lingers in our hearts with much love.

It’s been a year since my mom passed and I still cannot understand how easy our names can be erased.

We were birthed into this world, live our lives for as long as we can and then poof! our bodies unite with earth while the spirit went on to another realm. 

It felt like I was born just yesterday, showered with much love from my mom. 

Though I can no longer be with her physically, I sense her, everyday. Sometimes in dreams, sometimes a scent or triggered memories.

It took me a great while to believe that she is truly gone. Part of my spirit refused to return, and hoped to be with her, wherever she may be.

I cannot truly understand the blessings of the departed ones. I felt its an agony for the living ones.

Part of me also shut down and the world I used to know, no longer held so dear to me. I pushed people away in myriad ways. I waddle through life alone. 

Silence is appreciated as my heart cries. Knowing one day, we shall all unite again.

I used to dread the thought of my mom dying, as a child. Always double check on her to ensure she was happy and safe. 

She was dearest to my heart…my BFF, my sister, mother, teacher, mentor, student, role model, warriorgoddess, soulmate (soulmate need not only be romantic ones, can also be family, relative, strangers, teachers, mentors, BFF, and many more). 

I can never stay far apart from her but when she remarry and migrated, I respect her space and privacy (though I crashed her place every year/2 now and then). 

Even though apart, we can always feel what’s going on in each others’ lives. I remembered how she and me give each other a surprise visit when we felt something was not right. And true enough, we were right on our intuitions. 

I’m not sure how I can ever heal from this. I felt like my sunshiny world has exited along with her.

But somehow deep down, there is a deep knowing that it’s possible to heal fully. And that in time, I will be alright. 

May she be happy wherever she may be. My love to her always and forever. 

Lina.