Our expiration date is our choice.

One day in our lives, we each have to wrestle with our deepest truth. Yes, our lives may seem predestined, our expiry dates seemed certain known only to the Almighty but after my own experiences with departed loves ones, myself and clients… I realised we do have free will.

There may come a time, we be afflicted with some imbalanced, dis-eases or just pure exhaustion of facing life (sometimes as single parents, it’s truly overwhelming) and it’s decorative events….

And though we loved to see our children grew up, marry and have their own kids, some parts of ourselves may not agree. For those who are sensitive, and may have a certain “knowing” what the world may ended up or some sappy future events or even their own personal lives… May feel they are not up to it. Perhaps they have seen enough, experienced enough and felt weary of the world’s ups and downs and wish to come home to the Creator….

I just know that, everyone of us have the choice. Some day, that choice will be shown to us whether we are conscious or not, whether we want or not, and we have to make a choice.

To live long, happy and healthy. To see kids grew, and experience grandkids and more. To work out whatever kinks in our body and strive to live longer than the doctors’ prediction. To live a wandering life, carefree, globe trottering without burdening anyone, and allow your body to depart wherever the Almighty chosen for you. To experience struggle and suffering as much as one can handle and come home. To have a successful life and have an abrupt ending where our names will be in the hall of fame.

Whatever it is, we each have a choice. No choice is wrong or right.

I don’t believe in reincarnation but resurrection. So to me death is another phase where we each will live in a different realm till the day we gathered to face the day of Judgement (my foundation is Islam).

But even so with such knowing, I do feel scared. I am scared to leave my kids. We 3 have been super close that I fear, how they cope without me (but deep down, I know the Almighty will help them).

I am also scared feeling helpless, hopeless and all alone facing the angels when I die, unsure if I’ve done enough on earth to claim my place in paradise. I am scared upon how I will aged. Will it be gracefully or will it be a tantrum traumatic experience? Fighting, denying as my body breaks down or will I break my limitations and strive better to uphold these beliefs about healthy living till old age..

Will my healing and positivity beliefs work better than now, or will they fade with age?

What challenges will I face? My greatest fear was not able to explore the world as singular as i love to, healthy and able-bodied as I am and had to depend on my sons.

I watched both my grandmother and mom fade away. And I felt sadden and helpless, I was not able to do anything.

But one thing for sure, I knew we each will be greeted by our ancestors before our time is up. (those who depart shared with me before their last months and I personally, have “seen” what they seen).

Perhaps that welcoming homecoming soothe the fear and replace it with love.

Have faith. Think well of the world, yourself and especially the Creator. Positivity and love will sow seeds within us for a very long time and sprout a life worth living, every minute, every second.