Day 78

What’s in a name…

In Asia, as a Malay Muslim, my name carried my father’s name wherever I go. From birth till death, his name is linked to mine. We don’t have family names.

But I have contradicting feelings about my father thru out my life. After learning about energies and healing, I realised that I was carrying a big burden in my name. I dropped it off without feeling like it’s an obligation.

But slowly, the fear crept within… 

I fear that my community believe I’m an illegitimate child for dropping my father’s name. That was often the belief we conjured in my community when someone does not have their fathers name link to theirs. 

And I was in a dilemma. I fought a lot with it. But eventually, the burden of carrying a name I no longer felt sync with, positively wins me over.

And the funny part was, my father had actually changed his own name cos he was often made fun of by his subordinates.

A huge overwhelming burden felt as if it was being lifted up. And then, I went to the Netherlands. Over there, I was known as a part of the Van Der Weerden family. And when I embraced it, I felt an even bigger burden.

It was unbearable. I’m a sensitive, intuitive empath. The moment I embrace that name, I felt very heavy. I saw visions but I thought it was just my imaginations.

Years later, I was able to confirmed what I’ve seen.

Sometimes, I can feel, sense or even see past histories of the vander Weerden families. I can feel the consequences of poverty, war, as if I was living it.

Of course, I dropped the name and use my own name. I’ve never felt so happy and free.

A friend of Polish descendant (whose past generations’ lives had been quite challenging) changed her last name to LOVE. And I’ve never seen her being a beautiful advocate of love, shining her truth and joy wherever she goes.

At the end of the day, we live our lives the best way we knew how and experienced. I no longer got caught up with what peeps think of me. So what if they think I’m legitimate child or not. I dont really care nor do I have the time to worry about it. 

Do what works best for you. 

Have fun, experimenting. 

Love, 

Lina.