Day 100 – Wow, what a feat.

What I feel like saying…
From now onwards, I won’t be writing day 101 etc… Just numbers. It can be days, lessons whatever… Doesn’t matter. 
I’m not sure whether I shall be positively empowering women or just go about my happy non-gender specified way (I noticed my readers are female:male ratio 60-40 and I’m thankful) . 
Whatever it is, I shall inclined towards what feels right and what makes me happy. 
I’ve fulfilled my 100 days of writing almost everyday. And I’ve completed them regardless whether people love it or not. 
I’m not writing for them but for myself. If anyone finds gems and lessons in them, that shall be my bonus.
It was not easy to get up, being my own self again after I felt like I’ve lost everything (after the departure of my mom). 
Grief punches me over and over again like a never-ending match in the ring. 
Some days I felt perfectly fine, and some, crouching in a corner feeling as if a big part of my soul went with my mom.
And many things have changed drastically…. 
I no longer agree with the world on so many terms. 
But I’m taking one day at a time.
Where does this path lead me? 
I don’t know. I held my hand up and let the Universe guide me. 
I understood that I’ve changed drastically from a food blogger who just wanted to eat and share with the world her adventures…. into a single mom with 2 kids who wants to find meaning in life and by improving herself..
I then self immersed into the many programs and seminars of the self-development world.
Then I started to “bleed” and realised that I am not super human. I was so great at hiding my wounds that they eventually gushed out. 
I then learn to embrace my vulnerabilities and wounds and learn to self-heal. And through it all, I’ve shared what I’ve learnt as a #travelinghearthealer . 
My masks fell off as I went deeper. The journey has its highs and lows. Failed many business ventures, love relationships and more. 
Eventually I grew into someone loving my own existence and being…without the need to seek another’s approval or permission to be myself. 
Mom passed away and I realised that I’ve not done much to awaken my own feminine tribe. Nor did I embrace my own feminity boldly and colorfully. 
I went on womenempowerment spree on my blog. Though devastated from my mom’s departure, her existence empowered me greatly. 
So what’s next, dear Universe? 
Though my travels are currently on standstill, I’m thankful that I was able to travel carefree with my kids (and step dad got to join us in the last part) for the last 6 months before lockdown. 
I feel that the Universe understood me, and so I was allowed to enjoy as much before I can rest and relax my wandering feet at home for the next “God-knows-how-long” , perhaps 1 year? 
(I often travel every 3 months. LIke a bird, I felt restless if my wings are not spread out to wander the vast earth.) 
All I know is that, as long as I’m breathing, I hope to share my life, perspectives, travels and heartfelt words with the world. 
Regardless whether I’m being paid or not…
Or whatever I’m writing is purely nonsense and definitely ramblings… 
Or even if there are no readers or witnesses to the writings of my blog (and shared from heart) …. 
I’m still gonna do it because…
This is what makes me happy. 
It’s my own unique self expression. 
My good, bad and awesome parts…. being me.
True, some days we struggle to be ourselves when the world wants otherwise. 
Some days, we just struggle to get out of bed, period. 
But the true meaning of being human is never giving up. 
Even if today is your last day, never stop planting seeds… 
Whatever seeds…. Seeds of dreams, purposes, legacy, art of self expression, seeds of your identity…. Seeds of generations and more. 
To you, to us, and more wonderful miracles awaits. 
Have a great day. 
Be you.
Everyone else is already taken.
P. S: I’ve gone from a nobody to a somebody popular that have fans around the world. 
Whereby peeps love having photos with me, dining with me, some even travels with me and posts stuff just to get some buzz in their own social feeds (we met on our spontaneous rendezvous) and all that….
And whereby whatever I say or write or showcase, matters greatly to the online world…as a global INFLUENCER…
And lost everything again and again and becomes someone who is a nobody….
But this time, this nobody (in the outside world) is a SOMEBODY shining out boldly and happily from within. 
She is somebody to me. And that is enough.
If you have been thru a lot like many of us, don’t fret, don’t lose hope, believe that the Universe has your back and guiding you even when you felt like you were going the wrong way.
Stay bold, warriors.
Live your colors fully. 
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