An outsider looking in

Sometimes being such, is a blessing..

Growing up, there was the beginning point, whereby I felt so apart from the humans of this world that I felt like an alien. And so I felt the need to pretend I was one of them so I will be accepted and not bullied or abused.

I learnt to observe peeps and learnt their ways super fast that I became efficient as a chameleon. I then forgot who I truly was. Because I was busy people-pleasuring my way into life.

The biggest crack down began when I started to shine. Fame and success can enlarge what cracks I’ve been hiding. No matter how much I’ve done, I never truly felt I have done enough and the crowds mirror them back to me.

I left to heal what unknown illusions of “brokenness” or unhappyness lies hidden inside. The intention was to heal me as I wander about the world going about wherever intuitively, I was nudge to go. But ended up, I help others to heal themselves too. Scary but enlightening as well.

I met amazing peeps who guided me back to myself. Of course, the Almighty is the main coordinator of my spontaneous travels. All I need was to trust Him and let go, in faith.

I can blend well in myriad tribes and groups but never truly felt safe to be myself other than warrior camps, money and you programs and with other soulful empaths. These safe sanctuaries allowed me to be whatever I chose to show up and they don’t judge.

For decades, I felt like an outsider looking in even in my own families. And when I was accepted as myself no matter the weird unique individual that I thought I was and encouraged to voice out and express whatever needed to be expressed, in whatever flavours, I was truly ecstatic.

Because of these wonderful tribes nurturing me, I was able to be a sanctuary to others.

Peeps comes from all over the world with colorful backgrounds, beliefs and spirituality came to me (or attracted to me in LOA world) . I have no right to judge them but because I am comfy in my ever- changing skins, they too felt at home with me.

Thus since young, strangers have been confessing to me their life stories and secrets. Though unsure what to do with these info, naturally I felt the need to be there, listening and be present. And most leave me, feeling lighter and happier.

I felt it as a blessing because I have learnt lots from these spontaneous encounters.

Actually being an outsider is not so bad. Because sometimes, we cannot solve challenges when we are busy in it. We have to get out of it and see through different perspectives.

I am thankful that I have the courage to go paths unknown just so I can learn/unlearn. Being a human is not just skin deep. We need to be bold and courageous to peel the layers we adopted and look beneath it all.

If we don’t, then who will? Isn’t it our responsibility to do it? And no matter what we discover, it is also our responsibility to start loving ourselves unconditionally no matter what.

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