The World is as broken up as me.
Growing up, I never felt relatable to Disney’s princesses or any fairy tales except Beauty and the Beast. Though I’ve been blessed with beauty and brains, I often assume I was the beast, growing up.
I felt so broken up, in a million pieces that no matter how I glued myself up, I still feel I’m not whole like most peeps are.
“All the king’s horses and all the king’s men could never put humpty dumpty back together again”
Thus I see the world through my “broken-up-mirror” reflections. I see the wounded-ness in peeps readily. This flawed illusion allowed me to see the world as it is, in their wounded-ness.
I also felt unworthy of love. If I do get to experience it, I assume it to be fleeting. I can never feel the assurance of being loved. I felt the constant need to be wary and react..whenever the temporary fantasy -love ends.
I don’t trust peeps. They are as broken as me, how can I trust them?
Can you imagined a child feeling that way all her life? Where are her caregivers? Aren’t they supposed to shower her with love, protect and cherish her from the naysayers?
How did she end up in a world of ugliness, loneliness, of doom, shadows and negativity? How did she stand in her reality with all those vibes and carrying all those doubts?Constantly afraid her temporary joy will be snatched or trampled upon. No wonder, she thought God was a sadist.
And then, in my 30s, I met a conglomerate of happy and “all patched up” peeps. They told me I’m not broken, just beautifully expanded. And I reclaim parts of me I disowned, hid and vanquished. I no longer feel the need to glue myself up. They can fall apart whenever wherever they wished. Cos I knew how to love myself unconditionally. That itself heals everything.
I’m not afraid anymore. I know the Creator has my back. I knew everything happens for reasons I have not yet understood and for my highest good.
It took me decades to heal myself. But now I do not have the illusion of being ugly nor broken. I can look in the mirror in gratitude of what I’ve experienced. And that is what I shared wherever I go.
As I give myself permission to be, I allow others to be in their most authentic form, no matter how they show up, in what seasons, colors, flavors and forms.
Who am I to judge anyone? I’m not the Creator. I’m just like everyone else, doing my best to walk the path, I was born to do. Constantly learning and unlearning to be me.