Truth be told, I’m having a dilemma as to whether I should continue being a healing coach, facilitator, consultant and practitioner.

As I was working on my religion as a Muslim, I realised that most of Islamic community have no idea what energy healing or alternative medicine is all about. And not many dared to venture into that department unless they have health issues or their loved ones and have tried all methods in regards to professional western and eastern medicine. And mine was almost always the last resort, many decided upon to heal their lives.

Or they just eyed me suspiciously and declare I’m somewhat a medicine woman or shaman/bomoh, fearing to question further. In my view, that insinuates almost immediately that I practiced witchcraft or entities summoning, sihr, jin worshipping and everything in regards to that…which in Islam is considered a major sin.

The big misunderstood about mediums and healers. Thus….

I won’t share to peeps what I do unless they are open. I often say, I’m a life coach.

While going through the roller coaster of midlife… Garnering towards the age of 46… and going back and forth with the term healer and many more definitions that I feel uncomfy with, I ask the Almighty to take back whatever healing abilities (in which I believed everyone has) I have if the path is no longer mine to undertake.

It was a gutsy move. I was afraid. Though I’ve learnt healing modalities and tools from various communities outside my religion, race and culture, and some may inflict turbulence in my own beliefs, I only use what I felt work together with my religious beliefs. And emotion code and body code (by Dr. Bradley Nelson) is what I often used to help my clients to heal fully and efficiently.

It is easy. It uses muscle testing to seek answers and solutions. Where, one can uncover blocks of emotions and beliefs and past events.

And years of working in this niche, enhance my intuitive skills. Initially, I never wanted to heal others and strangers.

I just wanted to heal myself and my kids. Being a single mom where society may outcast you into beings of brokenness and more, or I limit myself for fear of such… I had to find solutions to glue all parts of me, I deem unimportant and sometimes broken (instead of expanded), and claim all parts of me as one in order for me to be happy and healthy.

It’s important to me, because behind me lies 2 most important beings, my sons, in which I have to help shape and mould into better beings than I am. And to do that, I have to champion the cause myself by embarking on it myself first.

So back to the request of asking the Almighty taking back the healing gifts….

Recently after many many years of good health, one of my children face some kind of outbreak of rashes. It wasn’t covid or anything serious, but it was enough to headstart me into a healer. I wasn’t sure, I can actually help to heal. But I did. Results were instantaneously.

Of course, if he continues with the rashes, I would have rushed to the clinic ASAP the next day. I believe, no mother no matter how curious she is, going to use their kids’ serious ailments for their own experiments.

Actually I was lying dormant after Umrah. I stopped my healing services till I got my confirmation. Of course, I already asked in the holy lands with prayers like solat hajat, istikharah and such.

So with that small success, I felt the need to start sharpening my skills again. Equipping myself with the latest updates of healing tools and modality.

And to spread the awareness of such amazing healing tools and modalities as much as i can.

The weird part is, when I wanted to strip this part of me that help others to heal, I questioned myself wholly – what am I?

It felt like the years spent on rediscovering myself was my part in uncovering the innate healing abilities within and without.

And it doesn’t feel right that I was willing to let go this part of me just because….

And I feel that I represent the empaths of the world including my kids (though I believe everyone is an empath but only selected few are aware) .

The sentivity of our senses can be overwhelming in a world of constant data continuously steaming in and changing. I knew how it felt to be inundated with all these chaos and with no one to share with, it felt very lonely. And what I am with gifts I have, became somewhat a science fiction story.

Yes, the empaths see the world different than most. Some thinks it as a curse, I see it as a gift of miracle.

And if I gave up parts of me just because of limitations I perceived, then how do I live fully and wholly as me, if I deny parts of me just because…?

And what about my kids, who are as sensitive. Do I give up on myself thus on them as well? Instead of shining as what we are, we hide in our shells, pretending to be normal as what most wants us to be. Just because most don’t understand us?

Don’t question. Don’t threaten the status quo. Don’t shake up the community with our truths. Just swallow theirs as ours.

Living my life like a lie. A fraud, a fake and for what?

As you can see the many journeys I had to undertake in this mid life transformation in becoming a wiser soul… Even as I’ve been to many dark nights of soul, this still feels scary. The unknown is always scary.

But I’m glad my warrior program and warrior mates have taught me well, to feel the fear and continues doing it anyway.

A healer is not perfect, nor full of answers and solutions to life mysteries…. We are just a little bit courageous to undertake the journey of discovering the answers and then share with others. Our lives are 1 huge experiments filled with questions.

But of course the ultimate Healer is always and has always been our Creator, the Almighty cos without Him and his permission, nothing is possible.