107 – Rage that consume us

What I feel like saying today… 
I’ve kept my mouth shut for many decades to be the good child everyone wants. And it had consumed me in many ways imagined.
One of them is thru dis-ease. 
Anger is small fire compared to rage. But if improperly handled or denied, it can become a mountain of rage.
I was lucky to discover the imbalance within me when it was a small rage. But even so, it was powerful enough to erupt chaotic imbalances and rendered me helpless.
Once, I had an episode of rage… It turned my world upside down. 
I was unable to care for myself and my family and had to be in bed for weeks. It was an episode I never wanted to experience again.
The rage ran thru within and without. And it’s energy felt like a fire I fanned, unaware. And it’s widely spreading, killing me.
I felt as if the world was against me. I cannot think straight. I was in so much pain and anger. I was fuming.
Decades of submerging these angers and denying their existence (because back then I felt being angry was sinful) cannot be contained anymore.
Sudden bursts of overwhelming rage burnt all boundaries I’ve created and my body became so wild that I was thinking of violence.
Eventually it left me after I decided to look into this rage (acknowledge and healing the root, the heart, pain and many more) within me for weeks. 
After I acknowledge its existence and the stories that came with it (But it also burnt other loved ones to the ground. Some relationships can never be healed while others were never to be seen again)….
I realised…. 
Anger is just another emotion, an energy.
When one is in anger, fuming rage etc… 
Acknowledge it ASAP. Feel it fully. 
When you have calmed down…. 
Ask – what is the lesson in this? 
Acknowledge, let it be heard. 
And then thank it and release it. 
But of course when in anger, all these cannot be done.
If you have said words that hurt. So be it. 
Take a moment to breathe. Go for a walk. Punch the sandbag. Journal it out while streaming angry tears. Shout into a fluffy pillow. Let it out in ways that it’s not hurting you or anybody else. Witness it.
And then process.
Don’t wait. Don’t hide, don’t keep it in. Don’t justify nor deny its existence.
And apologise to your loved ones and especially to self. 
Rage kills and it can consume us. And it can happen to the best of us.. 
Discontent-anger-rage-resentment, it’s all toxic. 
Face and heal it while it’s just a flame
Note: Dis-ease to me is everything that causes imbalances to our bodies, minds and spirits. 
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