It’s tough to visualise what you really want when “your current world” seems to be full of lack and limitations.

And my recent assignment in being a stay-in caretaker truly shines some light to my own world.

And before I start, let me say this: to all amazing healers, caretakers, cleaners, assistants, nurses, doctors, therapists and all who commit their time to care and love for others regardless whether it’s professional, voluntary or even obligations and responsibilities etc…

You are amazing!! Each one of you. Shining the world with your love and light endlessly with all your heart and soul.

It’s not easy, I watch and feel you. You got your own challenges and yet everyday you did your best to serve with smiles and love. You raised the energy of the room or your surroundings and you shine like the sun!

Make sure you take time out for self-love and self-care.

God bless each and everyone of you including your loved ones (including me).

Ok back to me…
And as I monitored closely my thoughts and manifestations of my world and in this current assignment…

I realised that it’s not easy when one have challenges one after another.

But whatever one faces currently is the results of past thoughts and manifestations.

Be aware. Everything can be changed now. It’s not your future. It’s not certain. But you have to be present and acknowledge the patterns you created and strive to improve on them.

I fumbled so many times even though I knew how the law of attraction works. Sometimes the current reality felt so real that all hope seems to be lost.

And then my world became darker and darker and I felt as if there is no end to it all.

I cursed and shouted in my head so many times.

I foolishly allow myself to be dragged by the nonpositive people and circumstances (there is no such thing as positive or negative, good or bad.. we gave meaning to them ourselves so these are according to my own terms of perspectives and definitions).

When in reality, I know I’m responsible for my own world and it’s creation.

And when I tried to hide my emotions doing my best to act tough in my surroundings, I cried in my dreams. My inner child got triggered. Ended up waking with 2 swollen eyes.

I began to search for support but no matter where I go, I attract the exact people I was avoiding-me. The victim me. (When we feel needy and helpless, suddenly the world around us began to be like that. Like an apocalypse of needy zombies).

The happy world suddenly seems devoid of emotions and understanding. And I felt lost.

Being a joyous happy person, I cannot withstand cloudy sombre mood for days.

And you know what helps?
Gratitude.

I cannot see the sun nor any streak of light and hope… but I said-enough of this cloudiness. I want some warmth. I want my sun.

And I stopped for awhile. Opening my eyes and heart. Observing my current NOW.

And I want my joy. I want to laugh away all these cold cloudy skies.

So while remembering my joyous times in life…The current world that has changed to be so dark and cold…. began to lighten up.

I think of just 1 grateful thing. And I felt lighter. I waited for awhile and think of another…

It’s like erasing the cloudy skies with an eraser…

It’s easier to allow your thoughts to project a trail of feelings of hopelessness and helplessness. But isn’t it better to catch it by its tail, face it and dig deeper to the root of it all? Not easy. But it’s POSSIBLE.

And when the world seems better than before. I decided to go back to that regime of feeling delicious, delicious joy and love growing from within.

And clutching my desires list close to my heart. Fanning the belief of anything is possible with whatever feels right-visualisation, affirmation, meditations etc

Sometimes when the big dreams seems daunting enough, I laugh out loud. That breaks the layer of “seriousness” and whatever fear and blocks that came with the thoughts.

Im just rambling here.

Juggling my truth alongside the world I created…doing my best to make sense of it all and doing something better everyday.