Day 96

What I feel like saying….

Everyday I do my best to share my experiences…

I do my best to project the positive side but sometimes, I have to mention the not so positive ones as well.

I used to be positive junkie. Everything I face everyday, I tend to see only the positive side. I not only ignore any non positive ones, I totally omit anything that is not positive. 

Yes, energy is high. And I go about my merry way. But deep down, I felt something troubling. 

I even ignore my gut warnings. 

I live my own mantra- The world is full of good people. And everything happens for a reason, and it’s good for me. 

It feels I’m doing everything right. Everything that came were also great. 

But inside, I felt like a volcano was brewing. I even ignored my own emotional expression. 

Though it seems I was doing well, I felt out of balance. 

Though eventually we understood that there is no wrong or right. There is no good or bad. Before we renounce duality…We must first acknowledge the duality. 

For example, there is no good or bad thoughts. Our perception of it based on our past experiences and what we were taught, made us perceive some thoughts are good and some aren’t. 

But when we first started out in spirituality and consciousness journey, we can immediately renounce duality without first understanding our current perception and beliefs.

Anyway back to my positive world…

I was doing my best to ignore the unhappy side of my life and hiding them. I was choosing to omit, disregard and neglect the not positive events or emotions in my life. I just sweep them under the rug.

Eventually those debris under the rug became too heavy and too much for me that I fell into an abyss of darkness. And I was stumped. I kept asking myself, what did I do wrong?

I wanted to accelerate so fast to higher consciousness and spiritual ladder that I neglect my own lessons. My own pain, my own nonpositive side of the world….

I’m not sure if you can understand what I’m saying…

But positive and non, its a balancing act of life. Need to acknowledge both presence.

As much as I want to control my positive and energetic happiness, I cannot embrace them unless I understand my own imperfections. The good, the bad…

So, before you become a positive junkie, do your best to embrace all of you, the good, the bad and the awesome ones.. . Be it people, events or even parts of yourself you wished to obliterate. Acknowledge their existence do not DENY.

May your life be a beautiful rainbow filled with wonderful hues.

Love,

Lina.