I’m thankful that Islam is my religion.

Through out my many wanderings around the world, I’ve interacted and connected with people of various faiths, beliefs and cultures. I’ve also hang with priests and teachers from myriad religions.

I’ve never undertook the idea that I’m going to or able to convert or revert anyone to Islam. All these happens with the will of Allah. Everything happens with His permission.

I respect everyone and their beliefs. And vice versa. No matter whether I’m cladded in a Muslimah clothes from head to toe with or without the scarf on my head, the world has been very kind towards me. Truly thankful.

And I’ve also basked into Muslims community around the world of various races and nationality. Such warmth, love and hospitality. Always open to learn/unlearn more. Thank you.

No matter, what we are born with, the religion taught to us by our parents, guardians and caretakers, I believe eventually each of us wanted more. Wanted to know more about our Creator. And establish a better and closer relationship with Him.

It’s not wrong for us to question our existence, our purpose, our Universe (everything inside, outside and surrounding us) and our Creator.

And through out the years even before I rose to fame and became a role model in my Muslim Community locally and globally, and later fallen through the cracks in my own weakness, alhamdulillah, I’m thankful to say that….

There is no doubt Islam has been and always be, InsyaAllah the best religion for me. Don’t get me wrong, I do learn about other religions not for academic but for my own curiosity. But I always felt something was truly amiss in all these.

Nevertheless, I believe Islam is very comprehensive and is the true religion. From the unseen to the seen, everything has its answers in the Quran and hadiths. Only thing is we haven’t yet deepen and uncover the whole of its truths. Perhaps with time, it will help us to unfold more.

Even it’s treasures of healing is beyond our comprehension. Reciting the Quran itself helps heal body, heart, mind and spirits. And if you want the elixir of life and youth, the answer is Quran. If you don’t believe me, get to know the Quran.

One can easily get the Arabic or English transliteration or any languages that you desire.

Listen to them, if you cannot afford one. In youtube there are many free good recitations.

The sura alFatiha is already a miracle on its own. Can heal anything except death.

If you don’t believe me then don’t. Just have an open mind. From physical ailments to foreign entities to depression, Quran has been known to solve all.

For me a wandering feet, Alquran has been very crucial for me. Wandering to foreign lands alone, sometimes no matter how i plan or not, spontaneously seek locals to help…things don’t normally happen according to plan. And safety is not something I can take lightly.

I do my best to ensure I am safe in my travels but the truth is, Allah has been my protector from the evils seen or unseen, be it evil from humans or Jin (everything else not human, I believe it to be jinn).

I’ve been to places that not only look haunted but also feel haunted in all its sense, too goosebumpy for me to even remember. Some places felt “evil” with years of killings, and wars. If you do not numb yourself, everyone can feel greatly about your location at anytime.

And Quran recitation (with Allah permission) has helped me ease back into safety and peace.

Foreign lands sometimes has its own locals’ cultures of mysticism. Even in Muslim countries, (though not allowed), some of us brought along our ancestors’ pagan beliefs and cultures intertwine to our understanding of Islam.

For me personally, being a Malay race in Singapore…. Before Islam came, our race learn Hinduism. Thus some of our cultures, ways and methods may still have traces of it. Being curious to question everything helps me in separating Islam from our inherited beliefs and ways of life.

For example, when some Malay peeps marry, they throw rice onto the bride and groom. This is a hindu culture. For those who question such practice will not waste food onto the floor (there are many others in the world who are in poverty and cannot even afford daily meals and here we are in 1st world, wasting food).

Since Islam came to my race, there is no longer intermediary people where we prayed at their graves of pious teachers, or holy ones asking for fulfillment of our supplications (dua) to God. In Islam, we can directly supplicate to Allah. Ask Him directly.

And no more the need of wearing “tangkal” (any items worn on bodies or decorated in homes/work places that have been blessed/prayed by special someone or diy to protect us (like thread around our wrists, written prayers in papers insert in little lockets, worn every where we go or even fruits like gourd placed in homes to suck nonpositive energy and entities) .

Even Quranic words are not encouraged because we might bring them to dirty (physically and literally) places like toilets. Best to recite them daily and commit to memory and understanding.

In my years being an instrument to help people heal themselves (with God’s permission) as a coach, Quran has been the most effective even to non-Muslims.

One is Islamic exorcism. The most effective and efficient.

Though, I have learnt it’s ways, I never wanted to know and explored this topic. I’m not truly keen but Allah has been great to bless me with such events’ witnessing, unplanned.

I’m not truly a good Islam advocate. My life itself has been a series of ups and downs where I experiment myself with being a staunch Muslim to liberal, spiritual one and then later do my best to be somewhere in the middle. Still experimenting, though.

Whatever you choose to do, learn/unlearn in life, just 1 word of advice. Be open.

In spite of bad media coverage about Islam through out the years with terrorism and more, be open to find out about Islam and it’s people.

Or you can just grab a copy of the Quran from a bookstore or listen to it’s many recitations free on youtube and feel whether there is any transformation within. If you want more, visit local Mosques, observe and ask questions.

Praying 5 times may seem hard to anyone who is a newbie of Islam. But truthfully once you get the hang of it and understood that praying is for us, humans and jinn, one can start to cherish the deliciousness of this spiritual connection with the Almighty.

Just be open.

If I’m not wrong, you can ask the Saudi embassy or any Arab Islamic countries for a free Quran. Do your research on that. If not, you can read them in Library and Mosques. Open all your senses. Feel. Truly be in the moment. You realised the answers you have been looking for is right there.

Just to share a bit of my history…

In my teens, devastated by life and the happenings in and around me, I went to look for God. I start relearning my Quran in a tahfiz school and from there, I was fortunate to be “adopted” by the school and it’s family of humble religious teachers. I then proceed into other subjects of Islam, fiqh, tauhid, fardu ain, healing with Quran, exorcism, hajj and umrah and more). Eventually I became a program/seminar manager and I proceed to be a hifz student.

After marriage, I focus on family and being a Quranic teacher. Later, I stumble onto fame by being the few pioneers of halal food blogging in my country and globally.

As I rose to popularity, many things challenge itself in my life. I got divorced and I questioned my religious beliefs and more. I then took off my scarf and leave the halal food blogging behind (as my intent has been fulfilled – create awareness locally and globally).

I learn the ways of spirtuality and healing from other races, religions and cultures around the world. The intent was to help my own healing.

After decades, I came home back to Allah (I never did forsake my religion, only the perspectives changed. The eyes in which I see Islam transformed. I questioned and seek answers for my deepest spiritual hunger and transformation).

Yes in some eyes, I have sinned greatly. Being a role model in Muslim world back then, the pressure of doing my best to be the best thru masses eyes, wore me down. I made mistakes… Big, small past, present and I believe in future as well. Because that is what being a human is all about: making mistakes, learning and unlearning through them and share through our own perspectives in hope what are shared can help anyone find solutions to their own life.

No one is perfect. No one is without flaw. We should not be afraid to make mistakes. Just pray that Allah has our backs and always be with us to guide us back to Him.

Note: normally I will use labels like – Universe, Divine and more because my readers are not from 1 type. They are a colorful bunch. Since this is my blog, I’ve been empowering others to be true to themselves and I too have done the same…

As I respected yours with your beliefs and names and labels to describe your Creator, please do the same for me. Have mutual respect for all mankind.

I will write whatever I feel comfy with. Whatever words that resonate well with me. Not to gain anyone’s approval nor my own.

I’m only human. I cannot say whatever I’m transforming into, every 7 or certain years will stay committed in a certain form.

I cannot say my place in heaven is certain. Nobody does. No matter how pious or how much great deeds and kindness you showered upon the world and onto yourself…. Nobody knows their “ending” outcomes or “ending” destination (not really ending, because I believe in hereafter, life after death) .

It all depends on Allah (I know because I’ve been to what I felt to be close to Allah and then I did something, that I felt I had fallen into a never ending pit of darkness….to a point, I felt unworthy of paradise. Thus I sentenced myself to be a hell dweller. And I never thought Allah can accept me ever again with all my mistakes but He did. Even after mom passed, I didn’t immediately wanted to change. I felt angrier. I felt devastation, hopelessness. I never thought I will ever visit the holy lands again. Nor do I want to. But somehow that huge stone in my heart melted and I was open to walk that path again.

If you are like me. Lost, unbelonged. Felt like a bad person but deep down still feel there is some hope, even a tiny bit of goodness left, then gather your hands and ask the Almighty for help.

He always answers even if you have been good or bad, or middle, even if you are a Muslim or not or even a freethinker, pagan or agnostic.

He will answer when you ask. Have patience.

If not, He may already cut your air supply and just leave you there for dead. He has the power. But he didn’t. Why? There is still hope for change.

Be open. The answer may not come in the form you think it will come. Be open. Ask and then Surrender fully the outcome.

Thank you for being with me, reading my life journey for these 16 years (from 2007 – 2023 and more).

May you be bless in solutions, abundance, joy, health, peace etc… whatever you ask for. Amiin.

And whatever you do, please think good of everyone and everything even God. Difficult? Start writing a list to be grateful for, then.

Have fun, experimenting with life.