Day 33 – the art of being authentic, conscious and abundant woman series continues….
what I feel like saying…
I have many fears. One of them was driving.
Taking the test was easy that I pass on my first attempt. But I did not own any car until many years later.
So when I did have a car, I have trouble driving out. I have illusions of fear playing at the back of my mind. I fear I got into accidents but mainly I fear I killed someone in an accident.
But I wanted to drive so bad that I make many attempts . On my first attempt. I asked a girlfriend to get dressed up and wait for me to fetch her for a night drive.
I ended up procrastinating after driving out, nearly hitting a motorist whose bike lights were not on.
And so out of fear of the mishap, I stayed parked under a tree for 4 hours before calling it quits.
My knees were shaking. And I was trembling.
The next attempt, I asked another girlfriend to accompany me drive out of the car park for few weeks.
Every drive made me more and more confident. Soon, I was driving my kids to their preschools.
But I still have the jitters. I put on my favorite songs and pushed my seat as close to the steering wheel. And I was very aware of my surroundings (I was often exhausted after the drives).
I cannot focus on conversations while driving.
But I have faith. I say my lil prayer and believe that the Creator will protect me and my passengers from harm.
And so far, nothing bad happen. Even when I drove to the isolated cemetery area on wheels that were gonna burst (but didn’t) with my girlfriend, we came back safely.
We only found out about it when my former spouse went for the regular car maintenance and check up, the very next day.
Even when, I was driving home to park the car in a multistorey car park, and had a full bladder (one tickle, and I will pee all over me)….
And silly me, I had accidentally push the car seat way back (while driving on a slope downhill) that my feet cannot touch the brakes.
My seat belt refuse to unlock itself no matter how I struggle and I was resigned to crashed into the many cars down the slope.
But somehow, at the last minute, my seat belt broke free and I got to brake on time. Just inches away from crashing into another car.
And when I was clouded with divorce, I hit a ramp in a multistorey car park (again, in a silly way) with my kids and mom as my passengers. But no one was harmed or hurt.
Eventually I gathered my courage to be a second driver for long trips in Europe with my step dad. And I boldly can say, though I may road hog in the autobahn, Germany and some cars behind me may give me the finger or a few honks, I did it!
But whenever possible, I rather be driven than be the driver. Cos I love to see the scenery, food stalls and also make pit stops. I love to point and navigate the maps but not drive.
When I first started out driving, I read the book – Feel the fear and do it anyway by Susan Jeffers. And I love it. Its like having a friend beside you understanding what you were going thru.
So, what are your fears? Take baby steps and face them. You are not alone. Reach out to like minded people if you need support.
And have faith. Trust that everything is gonna be alright.
Do check out my previous everyday postings on women empowerment 🙂
Creating tribes of authentic, conscious
abundant women around the world.
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