Day 22 – the art of being authentic, conscious and abundant woman series continues….
what I feel like saying…
The beliefs I adopted…
About God, the Creator, the Source, the Almighty…
Fear (punishment) works fast as compared to pleasure(rewards). As parents sometimes, we adopt the fastest way to educate our kids instead of the best way.
When I was young, the adults around me scares me with hell fire, sins, punishments and many more that I thought God was some form of sadistic entity.
Whenever I break some rules be it man-made or godmade, I will be fearful. As a child, I did my best to adhere to the rules for fear of being punished in the hereafter…
And to be a good child, I was often reminded (some times taunted because I was considered mischievous) of the punishments and hell fire instead of paradise and its rewards.
And whenever I laughed out loud, in happiness, elders will remind me that – don’t laugh too much, or you will cry later.
As a child, I wondered why is this so? And there is no one I can suspect of this “foul play” but God. As if he was envious of our joys in the world that he need to create some tearful events.
So of course since I believed, definitely it happened.
Everytime I was happy, something bad will happen.
And God became someone to be fearful of. I cannot see him thru the eyes of love. Cos I wasn’t taught that way.
There was a point of time whereby I was so fearful that I cannot even trust myself.
Everything I did, I seek my teachers’ (religious teachers) opinions. Until one fine day…
My life went chaos and I can no longer tolerate this belief that God is sadistic. And religious teachers’, they don’t have answers to everything.
And if they don’t, we were asked to seek God for the answers thru prayers etc.
How can God be sadistic? I cannot ask a sadistic God to fulfil my wishes and prayers.
Somehow, it was time to go on haj, a pilgrimage. I asked God to help me see him as love instead of sadistic and fearful.
And true enough, He bestowed me with many wonderful miracles and events that only showed his love towards me.
During haj, though divorced, me and my former spouse was able to go to haj together in 2011 (as we promised each other when we first got married in 2001. Well, we were there together in the same agency but different package, so we didn’t see much of each other).
But to me, that was a gift of love from the Divine.
Initially, I felt as if I was a great sinner as I was the one initiating the divorce. And I cannot tolerate going to the holy land to meet with a sadistic god. For sure, he will punished me more. And isn’t divorce already a big punishment for me?
My life felt like a land of hopelessness and deep down, I just knew God has to be love.
What is the miracle in this life of mine, dear God? I was prepared to be “sacrificed” in the holy land (we often hear stories that many peeps died in haj and became dwellers of paradise) and told my kids, I might not be coming home.
But God has different path for me and I survived and I came home “cleansed”, happy and reborn.
Somehow, thru the whole process, my adopted beliefs that don’t sync well with my soul, about God, has been washed away.
Seeing God as Divine Love empowers me more. Hearing paradise and rewards motivate me even further. Hell fire does not.
And wherever I go, traveling solo, I knew God is always there protecting me with his love.
And I believed because of that, I also attracted people from all beliefs and religions- who believe that God is Divine Love, in my journey.
And they (even though we were strangers) , showered me with much love as if we were one big happy family.
And no, I no longer believe that after happiness came the tears. I now believe that everytime I’m happy, I attract even more joyous miracles, people, things and events.
I’m truly grateful.
Take note of all your beliefs.
What adopted beliefs, no longer serves you today?
It’s time to release them and create new ones.
Do check out my previous everyday postings on women empowerment 🙂
Creating tribes of authentic, conscious
abundant women around the world.
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