The reluctant and very wounded healer….

I never wanted to be a healer. My life is too fucked up, or so i thought. I have no interest in solving people’s issues. My life is challenging enough. My hands were full.

But even how much I’ve refrain or deviated or avoided this path, I ended up repetitively on this path, the healing path.

I’m a person who seeks joy in believing that the world is full of hope and peace and that everything will turn out fine for everyone. I’m that positive.

But “healing” people is actually holding out a mirror for myself. No where to run in denial. Got to face them to heal them. And I’m grateful.

Yes…
Probably my own perspectives about healers need to be healed.

Perhaps, the very thought that a healer is a crossbreed of gypsies and anything magical and metaphysical combined into one seems farfetchedly fairytaled. Its almost nonexistent.

Perhaps the very idea of people thinking of me having a crystal ball where I can read the future amuses me.

I was a very private person as I journeyed further into the healing world. Some may say “closet healer”. I never reveal myself to others unless probe intensively (not even to my loved ones or warriors).

It felt like i have a dual life. One in public and the other a secretive role.

My neighbours often wondered where I go to and sometimes missing for weeks. No one knew. I kept a low profile. No one even knew my name until one day…

The Universe seems to place me amongst these beautiful souls for a reason. Not to hide or stay hidden but to come out bold and proud.

The more i kept my healer identity hidden within me, the more the Universe surrounded me with people who needs healing.

One day, I accidentally blurt it out. My sons were eavesdropping at my conversations and applauded my “spontaneous boldness”. It was an OOpps.

In an asian society with myriad cultural understandings of healers, i kept wondering-what will my neighbours think of me (although i knew its none of my business)…

Will they think of me as a crossbreed of witch and gypsy whereby the fortunes of futures be told, secrets of families revealed by my magic ball and magic spells and curses be castes if ever they were to get on my bad side…

Or will they see me as the “energy doctor” that can see the supernatural?

Hmm…
Don’t think too highly of me, dear neighbours… i don’t even have a wand;)

I’m just a human who is doing her best to solve her everyday and happen to be sensitive to energies.

In hooponopono I’ve learnt that we are all connected. And if you come to me or me to you or we met by chance with a challenging issue then, I’m also responsible for that.

And so I have to do the healing on me by releasing/clearing whatever…

thank you.

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